Category Archives: Becoming Buddha

My journey to realize my Buddha.

Feel how alive you are.

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I get nervous when I do this. My mind looking for some distraction or reason to do something else. I adjust settings or think of new ways to organize the information or plainly do not have the force of will to get over that hill of effort that is the beginning.

I lay my groundwork sure of its efficacy and reason. Confident in my decision and my resolve. Yet in that moment, at the true boundary between action and inaction; I am faced with an enemy I cannot make peace with.

Self.

I have longed for the embrace of faith; praying for it and striving for it my entire life. I have loved and hated God in all his ambiguity. Demanding he show himself and cursing him for his lack of felt presence. I finally just respectfully parted ways with him.

So I believe if I was asked today what the answer is I would not say it is what is right for you. For me it is about connecting in a meaningful way with the world around me right now, in this moment, the only moment I will ever have; do something good and be someone better. Do not give in to your anger or feelings. Be guided by a path of love and tolerance. Know the impermanence of this and make this moment special.

As I struggle to reach out and make the commitment to act the same way I think, to let go of these trappings of the world, I find comfort in my plight. I know I am not the only one who is trying to find their path. I take comfort in knowing there are many who would walk a path of love over a path of hate….

regardless of the path you choose to get there.

Feel how alive you are.

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The Wandering Mind “Meditation Journy Part 2″

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Distraction Vs. Discipline

With so many distractions and new things going on I have not been focused at all. I hear the proverb echoing in my mind. “If you don’t have time to meditate for 15 minutes then you should meditate for 30.” It is true and I know it. It is not that I lack the time it is that I lack the discipline to do it. I could wake up earlier. I could not spend as much time on Facebook. I could turn off the TV. I could go to bed earlier. I could do a lot of things to make this more important but I still struggle to do it.

Technological Mind Control

iPad, iPhone, laptop, applications, T.V. shows, movies, bars, office politics, family, me time…….

Instead of having any real mental control we are distracted from our minds by our lives. When left to our minds alone we find ourselved controled by doubt, fear and utter loneliness. For me I think that is why I am drawn back to Facebook. Looking for that false connection that exists in cyberspace. Instead of finding the connection that truly exists right here in this moment.

Yoga

I have taken up yoga as a starting point for my meditaion. I believe I have spoke about this before. It is providing me the platform for better sitting posture during my meditation. It has many other benefits and provides its own meditative state. I am trying to make this a daily habit twice a day.

The Struggle Continues

So here I am. Still at it. Stumbling along. Tripping over myself. Fighting the good fight. There was a time when failure meant stopping. Running away or giving up. I can say that I have atleast gotten to a place in my life where I am old enough to know that the journy is never easy. You will never win on the first attempt and many times you will have to fail over and over to see success. I hope my honestly and failure helps you realize your own struggle is not unique.

Never, Never, Never Quit. -Winston Churchill

The 12 Laws of Karma

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I ran across these and was truly inspired by them. I am trying to learn more about their origins and would love some input from someone who knows. What a tremendous statement about life.

1. THE GREAT LAW -
“As you sow, so shall you reap”. This is also known as the “Law of Cause and Effect”.
Whatever we put out in the Universe is what comes back to us.
If what we want is Happiness, Peace, Love, Friendship, Then we should BE Happy, Peaceful, Loving and a True Friend.

2. THE LAW OF CREATION -
Life doesn’t just HAPPEN, it requires our participation.
We are one with the Universe, both inside and out.
Whatever surrounds us gives us clues to our inner state.
BE yourself, and surround yourself with what you want to have present in your Life.

3. THE LAW OF HUMILITY -
What you refuse to accept, will continue for you.
If what we see is an enemy, or someone with a character trait that we find to be negative,
then we ourselves are not focused on a higher level of existence.

4. THE LAW OF GROWTH -
“Wherever you go, there you are”.
For us to GROW in Spirit, it is we who must change – and not the people, places or things around us.
The only given we have in our lives is OURSELVES
and that is the only factor we have control over.
When we change who and what we are within our heart
our life follows suit and changes too.

5. THE LAW OF RESPONSIBILITY -
Whenever there is something wrong in my life,
there is something wrong in me.
We mirror what surrounds us – and what surrounds us mirrors us; this is a Universal Truth.
We must take responsibility for what is in our life.

6. THE LAW OF CONNECTION -
Even if something we do seems inconsequential,
it is very important that it gets done as everything in the Universe is connected.
Each step leads to the next step, and so forth and so on.
Someone must do the initial work to get a job done.
Neither the first step nor the last are of greater significance,
As they were both needed to accomplish the task.
Past – Present – Future
They are all connected,

7. THE LAW OF FOCUS -
You can not think of two things at the same time.
When our focus is on Spiritual Values, it is impossible for us to have lower thoughts such as greed or anger.

8. THE LAW OF GIVING AND HOSPITALITY -
If you believe something to be true,
then sometime in your life
you will be called upon to demonstrate that particular truth.
Here is where we put what we CLAIM that we have learned,
into actual PRACTICE.

9. THE LAW OF HERE AND NOW -
Looking backward to examine what was,
prevents us from being totally in the HERE AND NOW.
Old thoughts, old patterns of behavior, old dreams,
Prevent us from having new ones.

10. THE LAW OF CHANGE -
History repeats itself until we learn the lessons that we need to change our path.

11. THE LAW OF PATIENCE AND REWARD -
All Rewards require initial toil.
Rewards of lasting value require patient and persistent toil.
True joy follows doing what we’re suppose to be doing, and waiting for the reward to come in on it’s own time.

12. THE LAW OF SIGNIFICANCE AND INSPIRATION -
You get back from something whatever YOU have put into it.
The true value of something is a direct result of
the energy and intent that is put into it.
Every personal contribution is also a contribution to the Whole.
Lack luster contributions have no impact on the Whole, nor do they work to diminish it.
Loving contributions bring life to, and inspire, the Whole.

 

 

Two Steps Back

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spirituality shelf

What’s on your spiritual book shelf?

One step forward…. then I fall down, bust my head, roll down a hill and forget where I was at in the first place.

 

That overstatement is an understatement of my beginning of this blog and my journey towards Buddhism. While professionally I am seeing a level of success I have not enjoyed in a while personally I am stumbling along in my spiritual path. Couple things…

 

I probably won’t be any less me any time soon. I am opinionated, sarcastic and, well, feisty. I eat life. Some of that is probably my type 1 bi-polar (Like being stuck in overdrive all the time unlike type 2 which is the mood swings) and the rest is just me. I am as my profile on Facebook says “Slightly Medicated” so I function better today. Never-the-less if you want to know what I think, you will get it. So if being Buddha means I must be monotone in my approach to life I don’t see it happening. Compassionate, loving, forgiving, aware, in the moment, acceptance and tolerance without judgement; all yes. Let’s just be clear to, acceptance and tolerance is not apathy or indifference. See “Other Stuff” for examples of that. There is right action and right thinking but without empathy even with the most vile of ourselves, we can never understand how to move past it.

 

My work. I work on the road. That is how I support my family so I have a routine but it changes locations a lot. So today I am in North Dakota brrrrr, tomorrow, well, you name it and it is possible. That is not an excuse for my lack of meditation or reading or blogging… there is another reason.

 

I have a lot of hobbies. I play bass, I play with my kids, I play with my wife ;) , I play with computers, I wish I read more; god knows I have bought enough books with that intention, and I am easily distracted by things like Facebook and Twitter. In fact truth is I spend too much time talking with friends and trying to be witty on those sites and it takes away from time here. I can’t blame it on my wife for calling me or my kids because while we do talk everyday they are respectful of my work and my time when I am away.

 

So is it discipline? Is it ADD? Willpower? I think not. I show incredible focus when I want to and discipline when I need to. Willpower is an illusion. You either are or you are not. Everything in between is what makes up a life. My problem is the same as everyone. Ego.

 

Everyone has a different spin on it. Worldliness, The Flesh, Materialism and so on. It’s all ego. That part of us that exists physically in this world. To be happy to feel good; to not be in pain. Sometimes we stuff our face or screw our brains out to get it. Other times we drug ourselves or buy crap. We keep the A/C at a palatable 72 degrees or sleep on a pillow-top. All this comes from our body’s need to not be in pain.

 

Now I’m no doctor and I am sure others will have their opinions but these desires are the animal part of us. I choose not to debate our physical origins but our consciousness however it came to be amplifies and overdrives these primal wants. So when I get on Facebook and play a game of questions with a friend and try to be witty and belong in that moment I am satisfying the self and ignoring the spirit. Does that mean I can’t every get on Facebook or connect with friends. NO!!! but there must be balance and I am not achieving that in a meaningful way. The fact that the 28 Day Meditation Challenge Started 8 days ago and I have done it for one day shows where I am really at. I am not making the spirit a priority in my life… but I am trying.

 

The journey is the reason for living so I choose today not to beat myself up but I am going to be honest. I feel good about the person I am today. I need to change where my priorities are at in my free time. I am loving the journey. I hope you are too.

 

Feel free to leave suggestions or comments about your struggles or successes with living out your spirituality. We are always stronger when we connect.

 

Moments of Meditation

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As I keep my beads in my pocket I use them for moments of meditation. There are times when nothing is going on for all of us. Maybe standing in line or waiting for some computer operation. Maybe sitting on hold or waiting one someone. These moments are opportunities for me to center myself and sometime recenter myself as the objects of my day distract and take over my emotions. I take them in my hand and run each bead through my fingers feeling its unique texture and size. Each one slightly different in its own way. As I come to the end of the circle I find the four noble truths there waiting to remind me of the truth of life and then the cycle begins again. Staying in that moment being present and aware.

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Meditation Journey, Part 1 “Beginnings”

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Becoming Buddha

Becoming Buddha

I promised honesty. Or at least as much honesty as anyone’s ego is capable of in such a prepubescent state of spirituality. I tried to meditate seriously for the first time tonight. I needed to. Starting a new job. Lots of pressure. Great opportunity. Not wanting to fail. Sitting in a hotel away from my family. Worried about the plethora of anxiety meds I am presently taking and the drug test I had to take. You name it. I also need to spend some time reviewing so I can test out on my specific skills. My mind is not having it.

Among some of my peers there is this personification of what they see me as and then there is the reality inside. I am just as vulnerable and weak as the next guy. What it is about my personality that gives this impression of strength is unknown to me but I think it has something to do with a simple philosophy. I don’t let it get me down. All this can be going on inside but I project an image of stability and strength because the alternative is to dwell in the fear and anxiety. Now lets be honest you can also call that repressing your feeling and probably has a lot to do with the Valium I had to take just to get to a place where I could sit down to battle my mind to focus.

The image you see is that of my trinket if you will. Four on the bottom for the four noble truths. Eight on the left for the Noble Eight Fold Path and ten on the right for the Ten Major Precepts. It was supposed to remind me when I reached in my pocket for some worldly item that where my mind needed to be centered was here. As valid as this is what it has become is that thing I make when I made another commitment I couldn’t live up to.

None the less tonight I used it as my object of focus durning my meditation. Well lets be honest. My object of focus as I warred with my mind to shut up. I am not deterred. I will continue on. I know no other way to be than who I am in this moment and that never will change without a fight. My journey continues.

The Pain of Attachment, by Corrado Pensa

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Reblogged from Buddhism now:

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There are various ways of expressing the combination of light and warmth. There is a flame, and this flame means both light and warmth at the same time. Now, if this is the culmination of the path—this light and warmth—it has to have been there right from the beginning, at least in a potential form. This is why I tend to emphasise `affectionate' awareness, `affectionate' mindfulness, `accepting' awareness, `accepting' mindfulness.

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"There can be a lot of misunderstanding about this word `acceptance’. What does it mean, for example, to accept a dishonest person? What it means, I think, is that we develop some compassionate respect for the suffering and confusion which is behind that person’s dishonesty, or as much as we can—it does take a lot of mindfulness and understanding—while at the same time actively opposing the dishonest ways of the person. In other words, the acceptance has to do with quiet courage and right action; otherwise it’s not acceptance, it’s passivity, fear, etc. This is a frequent misunderstanding. What then happens is that, underneath, people get angrier and angrier at the practice because they are forcing themselves into passive situations, or they don’t like the practice because they don’t like the idea of being passive. But this is a misunderstanding! `Right action’ is much more `right action’ if it comes from a place of nonreactivity, of acceptance. There should, however, be right action, otherwise it’s called paralysis; it’s called helplessness; it isn’t acceptance."

Walking away from reading this I am blessed to have had the opportunity. I highlight this because of my own frailty and weakness in being able to be compassionate to the thief. So many times I am the thief I have so little compassion or understanding for.

Finding Zen in a House Full of Zoo

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In a minute was sadly one of my daughter’s first phrases.

Before I go spouting off at the mouth about how hard it is to find time to meditate in a house with eight people in it let’s be clear. I have spent the better part of two days getting this blog and my social media sorted out so I could complain about how hard it is to find time to practice my faith. I know Albert had some wisdom on insanity but I think we could at the least add an addendum in light of my stupidity. None the less here I am with a real issue.

Time in a family this large is a constant battle. I am about to go off on the road and leave my wife to the real struggle here at the house every day. She will play the ref and chef in between cleaning and the endless flow of laundry. It’s a crappy job and I am very thankful she does it. For any house wife that doesn’t need some meds I personally would be a little scared of you. That job sucks.

At some point you have to come out of the problem and start living in the solution and that is where I am at for a lot of reasons I have not gotten into yet. Don’t worry; I’ll get all the dirt out. But tonight I am happy to report I have finished the design, learned some HTML coding, decided on the best platforms for executing the blog (iOS devices sucks btw) and linked all my social media so a bunch of people who barely care about my blathering can be spammed with it. Enjoy the clip.

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Meditating Through the Storm

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Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

It’s not that hard. You sit there in an uncomfortable position with your eyes half open staring at something or focused on your breathing. Right?

Well, not quite. The future and past have a way of making that damn near impossible for the layman trying to find some level of enlightenment for the first time. Even finding the right sitting position seems to be a daunting task only for the brave at heart. And focusing on your breathing or a candle….. forget-a-bout-it.

Where should the pillows go? Cross the legs or sit on the knees? Buy a special pillow or use the throws? In my room? On my bed? On a sled with a red bed? Oh yeah. You feel a little on the crazy side doing this no doubt.

In my search to find my Buddha I have ran across an organization and series that might give me some insight that I need. I have read a lot on meditation and most of it goes the way of lots of philosophy and a little practicality.

This, on the other hand, explains in detail the 9 steps to finding true meditation and what it means to meditate.

There are about 9 of these videos offered on youtube by the organization FPMT (The Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition). You can find the whole series fo 14 on their site. (FPMT.org) The videos is only one small part of the larger study and education you can get from the series.

I recommend them if you are looking for some guidance in your spiritual path. Personally I am still looking for a teacher and will keep looking as I continue my journey to Buddha. For now I am using this as a way to take steps to better meditation and understanding.